ZThemes

This Isn’t Deserving Of A Song/Quote/Whatever // Day 3, 8/6/14

I wasted yet another day away. I did nothing productive.

I sat around all day again. Watching life pass me by. All I did was, exactly what I did the day before. I RP’d and spent the day on tumblr.

I decided against going to church alone. I don’t want to be somewhere I’m not wanted I guess.

The Sun Also Rises // Day 2, 8/5/14

"I can’t stand it to think my life is going so fast and I’m not really living it."

Today was just another thinking day, I guess.

I saw the compilation video from camp. My church does one every year and just throws together pics and clips from camp in a slideshow video and all. It kinda made me think a bit more. I love my youth group, they’re all really great people. I’ve kinda been getting out of going to church and all though. I feel like I don’t really fit in at all. They pushed me out of the band because I’m a “bad influence” and because I “don’t go to church on Sundays”. They dismiss my anxiety and all like it’s nothing and that I’m just using it as an excuse. But I’m not. I love them and all, but I just feel like they don’t actually want me around. I want to go to church because I do need something in my life, especially with all of the thinking I did during camp. But I don’t want to be somewhere that I feel like I don’t belong. Marisa isn’t going to church tomorrow, and I was telling myself I wouldn’t, but I think I’ll give it one more shot going by myself. I usually only go when Marisa goes, but a few months ago when she never had Wednesday off, I was basically forced to go every week by the youth group, and they would all just make me feel like shit when I was there. But we’ll see what happens. If I get ignored to the point of feeling like shit again, I’m gonna go back to never going except for when Marisa goes.

Since I’m on the subject, I feel like these need to be brought back:

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Outside of this, I literally sat in my chair on my latpop for about 12 hours. RPing and tumblr. I only moved for dinner and shit. Wow. I have a life that’s really worth living, don’t I?

"Artist Alley" // Dream 8/4/14

I got offered one of the few open spots that were left in  what I believe was Khaotic Kon’s Artist Alley. Of course I took the opportunity due to the fact that I’ve been wanting to get a table at a small con for about a year now.

I get to the con pretty late on Friday to try to set up. I go in, and I get told where my table is. I head throw the actual Artist Alley room, since mine is one of the tables outside of it, which can be pretty good and more spacey than actually being in the Artist section.

I go into the room only to find that it’s a very small conference room with a table that looks like it’s about to fall apart. It’s a dead zone. I pull out some of my stuff, which I only brought a few things due to the fact that I was running late anyway.

In short, it’s a super stressful weekend, and I get really frustrated constantly due to the fact that people only came in the room to chill and have privacy for a few minutes and then leave.

Is this a bad sign that I should just not try to get a table for Khaotic Kon this year? I think I’m still gonna go for it anyway.

Remembering Sunday // Day 1, 8/4/14

"Forgive me, I’m trying to find my calling, I’m calling at night…"

Well, this is the first day I’m doing this, but here goes nothing.

I don’t have much to say today. Nothing much of interest happens when I’m stuck at home all day.

I went to dinner at Mugs n Jugs with my dad, and I told him that I switched my plan up again. I’m going to be attending cosmetology school, hopefully starting sometime this year, and I’ll have a part time job on the side. Once I graduate, I’m gonna keep saving to go to Seattle, and then I’m gonna find a job in a salon and move up there.

Outside of that, I’ve been thinking a lot about Tony. I really want to be with him. We’re really cute and sweet to each other all the time, we’ve been sending each other videos and messages for a bit. I kinda want to try it again, but I’m still fucked up from Dylan. Having this high amount of affection from any guy makes me feel… Uncomfortable I guess? I’m going from having a guy who treated me like garbage to having this guy treating me like Jesus. It’s so weird. I don’t know how to describe it.

But, that’s all I have for today.